From Cutting My Fingers to Discussing Mercury Retrograde Rumors

I caused a minor injury to both of my index fingers the other day. As of now, both are still healing from these superficial wounds that sting every time my hands come into contact with soap or sanitizer. The cut on my left finger happened when I was cutting a watermelon for breakfast, while the one on my right occurred when I was trying to open an empty perfume bottle for a DIY project I probably didn’t need.

With everything happening in the world right now, falling into the trap of blaming external forces is easily said and done. Regretting a new hairstyle? Signed a problematic contract? Feeling remorseful after a major purchase? Cutting your own fingers in an attempt to avoid malady? Oh, the irony… but it’s the mercury retrograde, people. Rumor has it that blaming is a game as old as time.

To be completely honest, I don’t really believe in the superstitions surrounding this phenomenon, but I suppose the rumor is true: it’s easier to place blame on something invisible than to bear its weight. Who says that weightlifting is a cinch? Most of us don't have the endurance for that. Still in the spirit of being completely honest, I must also say that this time, I’m trying to carry the load. I’m trying to place the blame nowhere and instead self-reflect.

Self-reflection, however, is not always a walk in the park. Some things are hard to digest, like when you take a wrong turn and the map is of no help. Others are so perplexing I can’t decide if they’re good or bad, like when you participate in something that lifts your spirits high but simultaneously crushes you as hard.

Well, it inevitably brings on these unhinged, unwelcome thoughts... How can something so full of hope also stomp on my little dreams? If it brings me back to life, shouldn’t it stay on my good side? Why does it fiddle in restlessness instead, leaving me with an unjust desire for more and also a shortness of breath?

If there is anything positive to take from this, it’s that I've learned to accept things for what they are. I can’t control the outside world, but I know who I am and how to control myself. I mean, what's stopping me from keeping tabs on my garden and watering the bushes? Maybe it’s all just in my head, and the neighbors don’t cut the bushes out of spite. They may pick a flower or two when I blink, but the air is still fresh and the garden remains pretty.

I (thankfully) see no point in being negative for so long. We don’t reenact the past for a reason. And we certainly don’t change ourselves just for the world to see.

So, I cut my index fingers the other day by accident. I don't blame you or them or him or her. I wasn't being careful, and that's on me.